The Seven Bows that Changed the Course of the World
How Come Esav Didn’t Do Teshuvah?
Ya’akov Avinu had finally extricated himself from Lavan’s control. He had crossed the Yarden, entered Eretz Cana’an and was preparing to meet his brother Esav. He sent messengers ahead of himself, whom Rashi tells us, based on Bereshit Rabbah 75:4, were מַלְאָכִים מַמָּשׁ (literally ‘angels’), instructing them with these words (Bereshit 32:5-6): כֹּה תֹאמְרוּן לַאדֹנִי לְעֵשָׂו כֹּה אָמַר עַבְדְּךָ יַעֲקֹב עִם־לָבָן גַּרְתִּי וָאֵחַר עַד־עָתָּה׃ וַיְהִי־לִי שׁוֹר וַחֲמוֹר צֹאן וְעֶבֶד וְשִׁפְחָה וָאֶשְׁלְחָה לְהַגִּיד לַאדֹנִי לִמְצֹא־חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ (Thus you shall say to my master, to Esav: Thus says your servant Ya’akov, ‘I have sojourned with Lavan, and I’ve remained there until now. And I have an ox and a donkey, a flock and a male servant and a female servant, and I am sending [messengers] to inform my master, to find favor in your eyes’).
Let’s ask some questions. First, why send messengers in the first place? After all, wouldn’t it have been better to have just avoided Esav altogether? Second, why did Ya’akov refer to himself as Esav’s servant? Third, why did he tell him that he had just come from Lavan? Fourth, why did he tell him that he had been with Lavan all that time? Fifth, why did he tell him that he had an ox and a donkey? Sixth, why did he tell him that he had a flock, a male servant and a female servant? And finally, what do any of these apparently random bits of information have to do with telling Esav that he should now find favor in his eyes?
If you can answer each of these questions to your satisfaction, then move on and do something more interesting. If you can’t, sit down, clear away the distractions, and let’s see what we can learn about what was really going on at this critical moment in history. Our source for most of what we write below is the Matok mi’Dvash commentary on the Zohar ha-Kadosh, Parashat Vayishlach 166a-167a.
So why did Ya’akov send messengers when he could have just remained quiet and avoided Esav? After all, sending messengers risked reawakening the anger that Esav had toward him from before on account of how Ya’akov had acquired both the birthright and the blessings. The answer is that Ya’akov knew how much Esav loved his father and how he never did anything directly with the intent to upset him. However, things could easily change after Yitzchak’s passing. After all, Esav had previously said in his heart that he would kill Ya’akov after his father passed away (Bereshit 27:41). These words were made known to Rivkah (by ruach ha-kodesh) who then relayed them to Ya’akov. So Ya’akov was aware of this. Therefore, the Zohar suggests that Ya’akov felt he had nothing to worry about as long as Yitzchak was still alive – which he was at this point. Rather, he wanted to take advantage of the situation now in order to work out a truce with Esav so that even after their father’s passing, Esav would be bound not to cause him any damage.
If this is so, then why call himself Esav’s servant? If Ya’akov really wanted to work out an amicable agreement, wouldn’t it have been better to have approached Esav as his equal rather than as his subordinate? What master feels a need to work out a truce with his servant? Moreover, was it even true? Was Ya’akov Esav’s servant? When the two of them were in the womb, Hashem seemed to tell their mother the complete opposite (Bereshit 25:23): וְרַב יַעֲבֹד צָעִיר (The elder will serve the young one). So what’s going on here?
It is written (Mishlei 12:9): טוֹב נִקְלֶה וְעֶבֶד לוֹ מִמִּתְכַּבֵּד וַחֲסַר־לָחֶם (It is better to be lightly-esteemed [in one’s own eyes] and to make oneself a servant than to honor oneself and lack bread). Many different approaches to this pasuk have been made, but we have translated it based on Rashi’s explanation. Therefore, we can apply this pasuk to Ya’akov and Esav. Ya’akov would be the one who chose the better way, to see himself as dishonored, i.e. ‘lightly-esteemed’, and to make himself into a servant. He ‘makes himself’ into a servant even though he is not a servant. In the words of Rashi: ונעשה עבד לעצמו (‘to make himself a servant’, or ‘to become a servant to himself’). And then, Esav would be the one who sought honor for himself only to end up lacking even the basic necessities of life. But there is more to it than this because the words טוֹב נִקְלֶה וְעֶבֶד לוֹ can have an alternative meaning – ‘it is good to be lightly-esteemed and [then] have a servant for him[self].’ In other words, if Ya’akov would behave in a self-debasing manner in the presence of Esav then eventually Ha-Kadosh, baruch Hu, would turn the tide and make Esav his servant, and that would be the method through which Hashem would fulfill for Ya’akov the promises of the birthright and the blessings.
Furthermore, Ya’akov knew that this was Esav’s hour and any attempt to push against that would be met with resistance. This principle is taught explicitly in the Gemara (Eruvin 13b): וְכׇל הַדּוֹחֵק אֶת הַשָּׁעָה שָׁעָה דּוֹחַקְתּוֹ וְכׇל הַנִּדְחֶה מִפְּנֵי שָׁעָה שָׁעָה עוֹמֶדֶת לוֹ (Anyone who tries to force the moment, the moment pushes [back] at him, and anyone who yields to the moment, the moment stands by him). The Zohar says that Ya’akov’s decision to subordinate himself to Esav was the greatest trick he ever played on him. Not only did it exceed his cleverness when he purchased the birthright for a bowl of lentils, it even surpassed his cunning when he outwitted him over the blessings. How so? Ya’akov understood from the vision of the angels ascending and descending on the ladder that his descendants would need to go into numerous exiles, including the most bitter of them, the one by Esav which would appear at times like it would never end (see the Ramban on Bereshit 28:12); therefore, now was not the time to insist on his supremacy. Now was the time to let Esav have the first governance in Olam ha-Zeh so that in the end, Ya’akov would have governance not only in this world but also in Olam ha-Ba. Ya’akov’s submission to Esav sifted out the last remaining sparks of good within Esav and gave them to himself, while at the same time extracted the final sparks of bad from himself and gave them to Esav. The Zohar says that if Esav had known what Ya’akov was trying to do by calling himself his servant, he would have killed himself rather than to have let Ya’akov accomplish his purpose.
Now we come to Lavan. Why did Ya’akov tell Esav that he had just come from Lavan? To appreciate this topic, we need to know who Lavan really was. He wasn’t just some two-bit local thug or even the main crime boss from Paddan-Aram. Rather, he was known worldwide and recognized as the greatest magician and sorcerer of all time. It was also known that nobody ever escaped his clutches – nobody … ever. Lavan’s place was like Hotel California: ‘You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.’ The whole point was to shock Esav to the core. He wanted Esav to understand that he had defeated Lavan at his own game and that he possessed greater powers of speech than even Lavan. And to make his point stronger, he told him that he hadn’t just been there for a week or a month, but that he had been there, subjecting himself to Lavan’s deceptive words and actions, for 20 years! Even so, Lavan hadn’t the power to stop Ya’akov from leaving.
And to scare Esav even more, he told him that he had with him ‘an ox and a donkey.’ Now that doesn’t sound so scary, so what’s going on here? The meaning of this is a bit esoteric, so we’ll keep it as simple as possible. ‘Ox’ and ‘donkey’ are names given to the two main klipot, the forces of evil which administer din, i.e. punishment or judgment, in the world. In short, they are the primordial Nachash, the Samech-Mem and his consort. By telling Esav that he had the ox and the donkey in his control, he was telling him that he had the power to unite these two forces and bring din, i.e. death or any other form of punishment, upon anyone whom he would choose – including Esav.
Finally, he told him that he had ‘a flock, a male servant and a female servant’ in order to tell him that not only did he have the highest forces of evil under his thumb, he also had the lower forces of evil under his thumb. These were the lower powers that Ha-Kadosh, baruch Hu later killed when he struck Egypt with the death of the firstborn. Thus, Ya’akov put Esav on notice that he didn’t have a chance. Esav wouldn’t even be able to offer an effective counter-attack, a rebellion of sorts, from the underlings, because Ya’akov controlled them as well.
The entire message was intended to bring Esav to his knees. This is why Ya’akov’s message ended by telling Esav that he should now view him with favor. Esav wasn’t an idiot. He was wicked, but he wasn’t an idiot. Esav should have folded like a house of cards. But what happened? The messengers returned to Ya’akov after delivering the message and told him (Bereshit 32:7): בָּאנוּ אֶל־אָחִיךָ אֶל־עֵשָׂו וְגַם הֹלֵךְ לִקְרָאתְךָ וְאַרְבַּע־מֵאוֹת אִישׁ עִמּוֹ (We came to your brother, to Esav, and also he is coming toward you and 400 men are with him). What?! After all that, Esav was still coming at him with an army of 400 men!? How come Ya’akov’s plan didn’t work?
The truth is that Ya’akov’s plan had worked – and almost exactly as he had planned. Esav realized that he had no chance against Ya’akov. However, instead of slinking away in humiliated defeat as Ya’akov had expected him to do, he continued his march toward Ya’akov. How come? He sought to appease Ya’akov and seek his forgiveness. However, when Ya’akov heard the report of the returning messengers, he completely misunderstood Esav’s action and thought that his plan had failed. As a result, the strangest thing unfolded. Esav was afraid of Ya’akov, and Ya’akov was afraid of Esav, as it says (32:8): וַיִּירָא יַעֲקֹב מְאֹד (And Ya’akov was really afraid).
Ya’akov divided his family into groups and sent messengers ahead of him bearing gifts for Esav to try to appease him before he arrived to wipe them all out (as he mistakenly thought). And as a last ditch effort to avert a catastrophe which he thought was inevitable, Ya’akov did something truly astonishing, something which he hadn’t originally planned to do at all (33:3): וְהוּא עָבַר לִפְנֵיהֶם וַיִּשְׁתַּחוּ אַרְצָה שֶׁבַע פְּעָמִים עַד־גִּשְׁתּוֹ עַד־אָחִיו (And he passed in front of them and bowed to the ground seven times until he reached his brother).
The Zohar explains this with a mashal. It’s like a man who has a snake, a nachash, in his bag, and he goes around announcing to everybody, including his enemy, that he has a nachash in his bag. ‘Don’t mess with me because I’ve got a deadly snake in my bag that can kill you!’ But then what happens? As soon as he sees his enemy approaching, he bows before him seven times! What is his enemy supposed to think? Obviously, he thinks that the whole story about the nachash was just a bluff made up to scare him away. Why else would he be bowing down to him? The nimshal is that Esav erroneously concluded that Ya’akov didn’t have the primordial Nachash under his thumb at all, and therefore, he had nothing to fear from Ya’akov. In Esav’s mind, Ya’akov’s message was just a ruse made up by a pathetic weakling to try and save himself and his family from annihilation. Once this (misunderstanding) sunk in, Esav resumed his arrogant stance toward Ya’akov, and the opportunity for Esav’s teshuvah was lost.
Many lessons can be learned from this episode, but we’ll suggest just one for us to consider. True reconciliation, no matter on what level (from interpersonal to international), cannot take place through fear, scare tactics and intimidation. Such attempts will, in the end, come to nothing. They will simply unravel, even with the best of intentions. Rather, as we learned a few weeks ago in Yishmael’s Teshuvah, true reconciliation (which opens the door for sincere teshuvah) is possible only through chesed, gentleness and love. As R’ Nachman taught (Likutei Moharan 282): דַּע כִּי צָרִיךְ לָדוּן אֶת כָּל אָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת וַאֲפִלּוּ מִי שֶׁהוּא רָשָׁע גָּמוּר צָרִיךְ לְחַפֵּשׂ וְלִמְצֹא בּוֹ אֵיזֶה מְעַט טוֹב שֶׁבְּאוֹתוֹ הַמְּעַט אֵינוֹ רָשָׁע וְעַל יְדֵי זֶה שֶׁמּוֹצֵא בּוֹ מְעַט טוֹב וְדָן אוֹתוֹ לְכַף זְכוּת עַל־יְדֵי־זֶה מַעֲלֶה אוֹתוֹ בֶּאֱמֶת לְכַף זְכוּת וְיוּכַל לַהֲשִׁיבוֹ בִּתְשׁוּבָה (Know that it is necessary to judge everyone for merit, and even someone who is complete rasha, it is necessary to search and find in him some little good, that in that little good he isn’t a rasha, and since you find in him the little good and you judge him for merit, through this you actually raise him to the side of merit so that he can do teshuvah).
This may be simple enough to understand, yet it is very difficult to do. Either way, this is why Yishmael was able to do teshuvah whereas Esav was not.
